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tales

 
heads or tales - my attempt at stories

or everything is just a set of dreams.

Eighth Grade

                I pass you in the halls and I try to push the feeling that comes upon me. you look at me with such a simple look. I hate it. this isn't simple this is falsely real. Do you have feelings? I want to jump up and scream and just ask you DOYOU LIKEME, DO YOU F-IN LOVE ME? do you know how much I made up to just sit by you in class and inline. other crushes were ones that weren't possible or just ones to get away from getting closer to you. I slowly sprint to you to just get in three words. I think you are turning your head to just turn it back but you aren't. your eyes move slowly from her feet to her head. I tell myself she has nothing and nothing to give but I know she does. she robbed you of me once before. I want to wrap my arms around you and feel yours around me. you aren’t attractive in the whole gorgeous spring break boy dream way but in a way I just can't explain. but there is another that my name is attached to but I simply erase it in my mind. I don't like him, he is simply mine because I put a mask of lies upon my weeping face. you acted numb in a way of no cares and not my desired numbness of despair when you heard the news. at least that is what they said. her and spring break dream boy. I go to bed thinking of you. I dress to impress you. I am blind to the heart given to me on a golden plate from him. Him not you. I see you in my past and in my future but the past has been and the future is a lie. I wish I hope and I lie. you make me become either what I truly am or my complete opposite. I look into his eyes wishing they were yours and you look into her eyes with me wishing you wished they were mine. I miss you. did I ever have you? did you ever have me? will I ever...I hate you with all my loving heart.

 

Later Years and the Messed Up Horrors of Today

Krug Curse-New Year, Same People

                New years. Last year was a different year, a different house, a different name, a different look, a different mountain, and a different boy.  What does she look at with care? She looks into the boys eyes across the room. The others dancing within this crowded room freeze up just like the infamous scene in West Side Story. She looks into the eyes of the boy she has loved since running down stairs and chasing each other in and out of the hallways of memories was amusing. No longer does she run for him, she treads slowly hoping he might look back and come to her aid.  She looks into those emerald eyes dropped with hints of brown and she sees her youthful self swimming through the depths of his soul. She sees a girl that once faked to care for others just to see the look upon his face. No longer is she that silly young girl, she is now the young lady with scars upon her knees and heart. Their eyes meet as the crescendo of the song in the background takes over the room. She is amazed to find that the same look of desire dances upon his tantalizing eyes. He tilts his head towards the door in an out of character act to ask her to come outside. They start out with their usual joke and how are the mothers,already knowing how the poor fathers are. She thinks of sliding her hand across his bruised arm just to feel that sensation once more, but she is interrupted by him doing just that. They look into each other’s eyes knowing they have, knowing they shouldn’t, knowing everyone thinks they ought to, but not knowing if they will. He brushes his rough fingers across her smooth hand. She prays that he misses the touch of her skin as much as she misses his, not knowing that he longs to have it back. He looks deep into her gray blue eyes making her head spin and her eyes to glaze over. He missed that look, for that was when he truly knew she cared. He never understood why he was the one that could find the strength to not waver with emotion when he felt so strongly for her, but somehow he did. The words were paused at the end of his mouth, he so wanted to tell her he kissed others to just imagine kissing her, he wanted to tell her he felt stabbed when she walked the halls with others, he wanted to tell her that he longed for her to come back up his wooden steps and have tea with his aging mother, but most of all he wanted to tell her that he loved her. She fought the demon within her telling her to throw herself upon him and bring him to her empty house that had been their safe place all these years. She had long dreamed of being with him again. He had been the one she had thrown away her most important life goal for. He was the one she gave herself to. He was the one that looked pass her raging grandfather, melting mother, and life of lies. He had wanted her despite her flawed history and future and the irony of it all was that she had wanted him as well. They stood there outside the house with a long history of parties and said nothing. The wind blew across her pale face and around his soft lips. They stood there looking into each other’s eyes knowing that they knew nothing of tomorrow and all of tonight. Once more he would look pass her obvious and hidden flaws. Once more she would look pass the hint of alcohol on his father’s voice. Once more they would search and look together for what it was that worked between them. They knew they would…once more in this new year.

 

 

Krug Curse 2-This House

                He knew that it was time to leave. Once more he would race through the dewy grass to his car parked in the woods. Once more he would tell his mother that he had been with the guys and yet again try to escape his father’s drunken rage. But her arm was wrapped around his bare shoulder. Her eyes were shut with thoughts of regret yet feelings of yearning running down her non-makeuped eyelashes. Yet again they had done one of the sweetest things two human beings can do with one another. This wasn’t like times he had had with Olivia, he didn’t do this to simply have a status in the locker room. He never told anyone about these times with her. It wasn’t like she had asked him not to tell someone, he simply knew. Her blonde hair draped the pillow with an ease only found when someone was sleeping. He missed this house. He missed having her in this house . This house where her parents left open to do as her brother and her pleased. He remembered her parents from the past, the Signal people on Lookout. Now they went away day after day, visiting dieing family and parties in yesterday towns. He was the one she had trusted to tell these things too. This house was the one he sat by impatiently while it was being built. Each brick set upon the frame was just another step to having her closer. This was the house where they had first set aside so many problems and found something truly honest and pure-their love for one another. Her screams of drunkenness still rang through the corners of the basement. They laid here once more, either in sin or earth found heaven. The setting was the same, the mistake or miracle the same, the reason for her parent’s absence was the only difference. This was the house he saw the small trace of evil drunkenness in her eyes. He remembered freshly seeing her there, trashed, filled with drinks of sorrow, pain, regret, and worry. She spoke in rapid slurs, the voice not owned by her melting body. It was the same voice his father spoke in darkened rooms from all these years. The dark voice itself took rude tolls on her body. She spoke words of hates and sinful desires she had for no one other than him. There she was, his lifelong hate love, handed to him on a drunken, rusted platter. She had slumped onto the deep old couch bed that belonged no where in this house except for the basement, calling him over with a poisonous voice. This was the house where he so wanted to take advantage of such an unfair moment, but used his mother’s judgment to calm her and hold her tangled curls back as she pushed the night’s mistakes from her mouth. He still swept across the idea of what would have happened if he had had her that night and not saved himself for that special night years later, but he could dot dwell on the past. He so wanted to stay in this house where they had first spoken words that had hidden themselves so deep, they cried for hours after they spoke them. He wanted to stay here in this house with her and talk of their future and finally say again that he loved her. He wanted to stay here in this house and relive the past night’s acts, but he knew he had to leave. As he quietly opened the door of dreams and sorrows he looked back at her. She laid there silent, peaceful, and once more alone. He wanted to stay in this house where he knew he was always loved, but he must get home. He knew she would awake alone as all the times before, crying by the fact she knew he would be gone and crying over the fact that despite the fact she knew this she still cried over his absence. As he walked across the morning grass he thought of how he hated the thought of her crying, in that house.

 

 

Krug Curse 3-Big Birthday Party

                She sat at her vanity, running her straightner through the final wave in her freshly highlighted hair. She ran the mascara through her top eyelashes. She looked at her face, her hair, the way she looked in that cocktail dress. She had begged her mom for the dress for months to only be given a reply of no, all the way up to the point in which her mother paid for the dress.  She looked nothing like the girls that her mom had invited that waited downstairs, but he didn’t care, and most important, she knew he didn’t care. She rounded the corner and made her way down the stairs.  A melody of Happy Birthdays allowed her to glide to the midpoint on the stairway. She looked across the group of posers, stoners, lovers, and friends that awaited her at the bottom of the stairs. She looked around and saw what she didn’t want to see. Olivia stood there. She stood there with her white dress straightened around her absent curves. Her mousy hair had been curled, automatically making Her regret straightening her hair. Her Destin, Florida freckled face shone throughout the crowd like a swinging light in an inquiry room. Standing there as a thing that ought to be an object of consolation and turns into a glowing nothing arousing more questions.  Their eyes met each others and they both quickly glanced away at the same person. He looked at Her coming down the stairs. Slowly he fell in love with Her second after second. She walked down the stairs with little confidence and a small grace that he only saw when she felt semi-happy. She was dressed in a pale blue knee length dress with a bow tied around her sliming waist. Her shoulders were hunched with a lacking of confidence. Her dainty hand ran over the wooden banister. He looked at Her hand trace over the banister to its end to find a girl standing right beside it. It was Olivia. Olivia stood there with her shoulders proudly arched out trying to extenuate a non-existing chest. She stood there proud and waiting like a dessert anticipating to be picked. He quickly looked back at Her standing on the end of the stairs. She had seen him looking. The same look traced Her face. Her shoulders arched more and she seemed to suck her stomach into new depths. He went to grab Her hand as it left the banister. She tucked her hand behind her back in disapproval. Olivia smiled. Happy Birthday to Her.

 

 

Krug Curse 4- Summer by the Pool

                Classes end. School ends. Months end. Seasons end. Love never ends. She laid there in the sun in a prayer of getting tan. Yet again her parents were away either helping grandfather remember who he was or meet up with a friend of yesterday, and her brother was away on Lookout. The house rang with a certain emptiness that she had become immune to. She sat there in thought hoping to find some conclusions in her quizzing life. She looked into a future of questions and hoped she could find peace in a world of mixed up lies and promises. Summer was definitely here, way too much time to think. She raised up to a rustling in the woods in her backyard. He saw Her sitting in a plastic cliché lawn chair with a worn out swimsuit and her favored one pair of designer glasses on. He knew She saw him. She knew he saw her. None the less She dove into the heated pool. Her body glided through the crystal water. Her body shook despite the heavy water pressed against it. She shook with that excited worry she only got when she knew it was him. Her head topped the light blue water and their eyes met yet again. He looked into her blood shot blue eyes. He watched her climb from the pool and dry off. She sat back down on the old chair a long time sign for Him to come sit beside her. He sat beside her asking her where the parents were all the while not caring. They slowly talked about their excitement of the upcoming summer with emotionless tones. For minutes they laid there on the white chairs, squinting at the sun searching for some answer to questions that had yet to be formed in a comfortable silence that they only found with each other. This time she would drag him along. She’d be the first one to open the door to their basement. She’d be the first one to press her lips to his this summer. She’d be the first one to bring him to their blue, water resistant  pull out sofa and tell him she would be all his. She’d be the first one to tell him she loved him this summer. She’d be the first one to cry over his departure later that day. She’d be the first one to bring up the topic of how she hated being single with the girls in the morning.

 

 

Krug Curse 5-Summer Parties Are Celebrated With Lies

                She drove up the mountain of her past and into a neighborhood of her life. She arrived to the party later than others. Later than Him. Later than Olivia. Olivia graced the parent absent house as if she had lived on the mountain her whole life. Olivia grabbed a beer from the cooler and snapped it open with an attitude of experience and ability to withstand. She wanted one, She wanted to open it and let it run down her throat, ridding her of her lies and complications. But She promised Him She wouldn’t. Anymore. She walked out of the door with a stride that She used long ago on this path. The fire was blazing outside in the woods. She looked around and saw people She knew, wished She knew, and simply had never and had no  plan to know. Olivia walked down the hill steps in front of Her. The guys looked at Olivia with longing and desire, not because she had the body of those plastered across magazines, but because she was Olivia. She looked at her feet as She followed her down the hill, trying to avoid the drunken boys She thought that despite their tequila and beer rose colored glasses still battered Her no eye.  She arrived at the warmth of the fire moments after Olivia. She looked around and finally Her eyes met what She came here for. She saw Him. He grinned that childish humor smile he saved especially for Her. He was dressed in his father’s pants and a shirt one of his cousin’s had surely let him borrow. He swung a red plastic cup of sprite freely in his hand. The other guys cracked cans of nightly headaches and morning sickness open while he drank a drink his mother had taught him to choose. She walked up to him and took the cup from his hand and took a sip in the playful way that was only theirs. He looked at Her standing there in her jeans and sweatshirt he had given her long ago with her hair curled in the way only She hated. He was glad to see Her drinking his drink and Not-

“Hey you! Oh and you too, your hair looks so good, I just love it when it is curly.

I can’t believe Dirtbag’s parents are away so much, it is just so entertainingly awful, don’t you think? But the free beer isn’t so bad, ha-ha…what are yall drinking…is that ginger ale!?”

“Thanks, your hair looks good too, we’re actually sharing a sprite.”

“Hey Olivia, have you seen Tray around, I gotta talk to him about football summer training.”

“Uh..no, we actually broke up earlier this summer, but I am sure you can find him wherever they are doing the deep stuff.”

“Oh I am so sorry yall broke up, thanks anyways.”

As the apology that had a disgusting honesty to it was beginning to be said, She was already walking away for the cooler up the hill. As He was about to walk away for Tray he realized She had walked away apologies earlier. He raced up the hill already forming a post Olivia conversation compliment and subtle kiss for Her, saving the kiss for when they were hidden from the crowd below.

“Lynch wait up!” He grabbed her arm to turn her around to find Her freshly crying eyes. ”What happened?”

“You and…nothing, the fire you know how it gets my eyes. I really need to get home, Ervin gets home from Florida today.” She called Ervin as she was driving home with the empty beer can rattling in her drink holder to find out he would be home next week. He watched Her driving away wondering why Her eyes didn’t cry when he had kissed Her at the other party by the fire. Then he remembered, they were alone at that party. Another difference was then Olivia was far away and now Olivia stood there with a can of sprite in her hand.

 

 

Krug Curse 6-Cohen Interruption

                Cohen girl. The girl from the mountain, the girl from on top, the girl from designers, the girl from movies, the girl from money, the girl from the roots of Lookout. The Cohen girl. Lynch’s Krug girl. The girl from the northern town down there, the girl from loving family, the girl who is a therapist, the girl who was pumped daily with other’s toxins but never emitted her own problems. The Cohen girl and Lynch’s Krug girl. They meet. They sit together during chapel and hell’s geography with Mr. Third Quarter. They talk about Duke, both with feelings of love, one hidden and one outspoken. Lynch’s Krug girl travels up the mountain associating herself with the bottom and what lurks above. She passes the houses of sin and horror freshly hidden by new white paint and knows she is better than that, but she still goes. Late at night they talk about life, one of  them lying and one of them feeling as if she should but still doesn‘t. Lynch’s Krug girl pulls the lavender sheets over her head only feeling more confused than before. Cohen girl drapes her lovely blanket atop of her, happy that she knew Duke was hers. Lynch goes to sleep alone, missing her Krug girl and hoping she’s alright.

 

 

Krug Curse 7-Ream and Lynch’s Krug Girl’s Idea

                She walks up the campus, freshly awaken by the sudden arrival of fall. School starts with the usual, who went that far with a boy or girl they don’t even remember the last name of. Who has an eating disorder and who obviously doesn’t? Who does Cohen girl like and how many days will it take her object of affection to ask her? Just the usual. School has begun. Lynch strolls up the hill, gladly along, sadly alone. She pays no attention to those walking by and attempts to get the new Olivia and Him sighting out of her swollen mind. She hears her name being called behind her. But only the name, not her name. So many of them, so many times it hasn’t been her they wanted. She keeps walking straight, proud that she didn’t turn around to someone that was obviously calling another. But the name keeps ringing, and reluctantly she turns around. There stands Webb. A few pounds lighter, a few inches taller, a few days more mature, and now possessing a smile with even more teeth. She laughs at his silent quirkiness and bounces to him and hugs him with her new smile. A new smile with a few more teeth and a few less lines of Him worry. He pats her head the way he did when they were 13 and their eyes both wander to those days. They talk about their non-existing summers. He got caught drinking by his parents again and she got away with it again. They discuss the hardships of Math and Spanish. They match their schedules, just to see. Just to see. She skims her paper than his and finds exactly what she wanted and didn’t want to see. There on their schedules they had at the same time, in the same old melancholy room, and the same depressed teacher. There they had matching Science classes. Together. Together in Science. Together, again. They laugh both with excitement, one with content excitement and the other with worrying excitement. Yet again they hug out of their sudden loss for words and just comfort. She thought of the school year ahead, the clean slate (for the most part), the new students, and the new classes. She thought of the upcoming classes. Science. Once more the curse was set. Together Lynch and Webb walked up the hill only to run into Olivia and Him talking on a bench. Their eyes met, Lynch and His, but only momentarily. She quickly glanced away and surprisingly, full-heartedly laughed at the joke that had just rolled from Webb’s tongue.

 

 

Krug Curse 8-Ream’s Picture on the Bottom Shelf

                Ream and Her are in a picture. Just them, together. The picture is simply framed and sits on the bottom shelf of her nightstand. She once thought the picture would look nice sitting on the top shelf, but Ream’s eyes were always there. His eyes were there when she woke up thinking of him. Ream’s eyes were there when she went to bed thinking of him. Ream’s eyes were there when she looked at the picture thinking of him. She changed the frame one day, hoping to make it blend better with the room, but nothing could hide the picture. Nothing could hide Ream’s eyes. She looked at the picture trying to keep her mind off of Him, and it worked. The first time. It wasn’t a lie or a copy and pasted emotionless image. It was real. The picture of just them, together. She got tired of Ream’s eyes and goes back to thinking of Him or She finally realized that she couldn’t have them, and thoughts behind them were not of Her, but of Lulu. She puts the picture on the bottom shelf of the nightstand and replaces its empty top shelf spot with a picture of Him. There it would stay alone with Lulu for a while. She thought of the others who had a torn up picture like hers, Cohen girl, Magenta, and Rose. But they were hated by the eyes now and She liked it that way. The picture stayed on the bottom shelf, until one day. Krug girl lifted the picture and smiled. She knew Krug girl now had a fresher copy than Her’s. She knew the eyes pierced another soul, possibly deeper than they had Her. She thought of Krug girl thinking of the picture fresh in her mind, fearfully to far away from the bottom shelf. She was scared the edges of the picture would cut Krug girl’s fingers and leave nasty scars, like the ones that traced Her fingers now. She cried that night, as always for Him, for school, for her parents, for Ream, and for Krug girl. Krug girl had the better picture and sadly it bothered Her. Why did She want more scars on Her fingers? She pulled the picture from the bottom shelf, knowing they’d be there, but still hoping they just might not. But they were there. The eyes shot through her again, twisting their powerful glares around her already shaken heart, causing her pain she couldn’t withstand. When the eyes shoot through Krug girl, they are careful to not hurt her…yet.

 

 

Krug Curse 9-Down the Slopes

                She sinks into the chair lift alone. Mother was being pampered and father was back at work. She looked across the mountaintops, like virgins painted across the land. They rolled on farther than she could see. She breathed the cold air in and felt the cool warmth of the Montana air race through her tired body. She tapped her skis together, her very own red slippers. With no foot rest, the heavy rented skis tugged at her feet like her own social troubles tugged at her aching heart. She looked below and saw the tips of trees weighed down by last night’s fresh snow, just like Her mind that was now weighed down by last night’s events. Last night, after her warm shower, she heard the phone ringing. She flipped it open with anticipation. It was Krug girl. She knew even with the hello that something had happened, something not good. They were at the movies. A romantic movie. They got caught up and they kissed, Ream and Krug girl did, sitting right beside Him and Olivia that had obviously been hit by the same spontaneous virus of kissing. Krug girl felt bad, both for what she had done and with what He had done. “Slashy, I’m really sorry.” Yet again Lynch said it was okay, she always had Webb, and she ended the phone call with the usual “I won’t tell Lulu, see you when break is over.” Christmas break was hell.  As the old ski lift chair creaked up the gleaming mountain top, she couldn’t help but let a tear escape. She watched as the tear dropped and disappeared to the snow below, just as her true feeling dropped to the back of her heart. She awoke from her reflection sleep to the lift slowing down, it was time to get off. She grabbed the ski poles, both for their normal use and for support. Her skis hit the compacted snow. She had one mission-the snow was all that was wrong in her life, whether it be her parents, Ervin, Ream, or Him and Webb, she must glide through it all and erase and restart. She made swift professional turns down the mountain, her vision blinded by tears of sadness and frustration. The skis stayed together, parallel just as she had been taught. She dove the ski poles into the ground with pint up anger and she spun around them with each curve she took on. She swept across the wide trail, trying to cover as much ground as possible, only racing time itself. She braked abruptly at the bottom of the mountain sending snow to spray across those too slow. She looked up at the mountain she had just speeded down, only to realize however much she had tried, there was still patches she hadn’t skied over. She spun around and sauntered angrily to the empty ski lift to go up and try again to erase more, all the while knowing she never would be able to cover it all.

Krug Dream 10-Remembering

                Lynch sat on the deck and watched the sun set behind her neighbor’s house and smelled the perfume that was night. She knew she was supposed to be back in the house working on her project and getting ready for the inevitable tomorrow: day of exams. She always hated the cramming and late nights that were the exam week-put simply, exam week was hell. Exam weeks had always been hell. Ervin spent the week with Lookout friends because he said it distressed him, what the hell that meant she never knew, but it always reminded her of other stressful exam weeks. A light early night wind blew across the back of the house, slightly pushing Her hair out of Her face. Sitting alone on the deck, trying to avoid the wraths of hell inside the house, left one little to do except for dream, or in Lynch’s case, the equivalent to dreaming for her, remembering times with Him. She sat back on the wooden hand made chairs and closed her eyes with little effort and saw the scene in her mind again.

                It was exam week a few years ago, and in Spanish, the one class she had with him, there was an optional project you could do with a partner instead of take an exam-the only catch was the teacher chose the partners. As faith would disgustingly have it Him and Lynch were partners. Naturally they waited until the last night, avoiding each other all the way to his house where they would do the annoying project. They argued and glared at each other as much as two people that so obviously hated each other could in such an enclosed parentless house. She wanted to put some picture of some Spanish church on there and he wanted to put, actually she couldn’t remember what he wanted to put because what happened afterwards is what really mattered. They snatched one sheet of one of the pictures-one’s intent to rip it and the other’s to super glue it on the poster, yet again whose intent was what is consistently irrelevant. She pushed him back and she tripped on something or vice versa, but they both ended up on the couch, with her on top of him. She went to look down at him with the evilest of glares only to find him smiling back at her, which caused her to smile at him. She whispered roughly to his face. “I’m about to do what I know I will regret, pray you won’t and walk away because I don’t want to see the almost certain look of disgust on your face, so save it for when I am walking down your driveway.”

                She leaned and kissed him softly the way she had wanted to since they were young. Why she did it, she didn’t know. It could have been because her and KeKe were falling apart, or Webb had pissed her off for the first time, or the stress from exam week, or probably just because she had always wanted to do it and couldn’t stand another moment without doing it. She leapt up and sprinted out of his house avoiding his eyes the whole time. She cried the whole time as she stayed up late that night studying for exams.

 

 

 

Krug Dream 11- Ought to Be

                Lynch sat on the beach and looked across the broad ocean. As the waves spun into the shore her mind spun onto where she was at that moment in her life. She was yet again spending spring break with Ream, her Krug girl, along with old and new random people, all of whom she wanted to hug and kiss right at that exact moment. She wanted to kiss and hug these people of which she barely knew because at that moment in her life she was the happiest she had ever been. She sat there with the sun toasting her back and the ocean breeze curling her hair, she couldn’t think of one thing that she could honestly complain about at the moment. Sure the sun could be covering her body perfectly even, sure her teeth could be a little whiter, and the crevices between her toes could be a little less sandier, but then again she was already tan, didn’t have braces anymore, and the sand was something she would have to simply get over. She leaned back and instead of the bulge that hung down about five months ago, her stomach muscles flexed as a result of the hard work she had put herself through the last few months. She licked her front teeth with one smooth graceful movement as a result of the removal of her braces. She felt the sudden urge to jump up and scream at the top of her lungs with joy as the result of someone who was not there. He was not there, but she had only gotten off the phone with him minutes before. He had asked her how things were doing and instead of replying honestly, which would have included her saying that although she was in paradise with her best friends and an awesome role model and she looked hotter than ever in her bathing suit but she still would have given an arm and leg to have him there, she in truth told him things were great but it would have been better if he was there. She now laid there on her elbows with her long legs sprawled out in front of her. Ream came running over to her tackled her causing their sandy yet smooth bodies to touch with a familiar brother and sisterly like way that no longer sent rivers of nerves up Lynch’s back. Ream kissed her gently on the cheek because he knew it would no longer send rivers of nerves up her back. He then sat back and simply stared at her with his cocky grin that somehow made his young puppy face seem intelligent.

L: what?....what!?!?.....what?

R: you’re thinking about him.

Lynch had to give this playboy some credit…he could read her pretty well lately. Ever since Lynch had fully recovered from the Ream disease that had sent her into a crazy spiral of putting herself second and him first way to many times their relationship had been quite different. Sure she would still kill anybody or anything for the devilish boy, but now she would just as soon kill him. He no longer made her act different because when it came down to it she knew it didn’t matter if that was cool to him because he couldn’t stay away from her any longer than she could blow him off. After she gave him a returning brazen look, he ran off to annoy another person by saying what exactly what was obviously not on their mind. Then it was time for Krug Girl to come attack her, obviously Lynch had a sign on her. After her best friend gave her a sweet peck on the cheek she lightly hit her on the arm.

L: what was that for?

K: for being so darn happy and perfect and boyfriend possessing and happy.

L: happy is good.

K: I know, and it suits you.

They exchanged their typical grins that left Krug Girl looking like her typical model self and sent Lynch hurtling back into her geeky former self, but they both knew that was perfectly okay. After Krug Girl went away to conquer the rest of the crowd, in particularly BB, Lynch was left to herself again to think over how utterly happy she was. For almost a month now she was officially “back together” with Him and everything was perfect. They hadn’t kissed yet, hugged once, never held hands, and he had put his arm around her once at the movies. They talked online every night but rarely on the phone. Although many would have considered this a failing relationship, all Lynch could make of it was that things were just as they ought to be, because finally she was with Him.  As she looked across the vast ocean questions no longer formed in with the incoming tide, only waves washed across the shore, just as things ought to be.

 

Krug Dream 12-

                August 23. They start school earlier and earlier every year. Sophmore year. Where did the name sophomore come from? Greek origin sophós `wise' and morós `foolish, dull. So this year held in store for her a hope of intelligence or foolishness.

 

Krug Dream 13- Pre-Homecoming

The whole night we cross pathways occasionally, only half looking at each other and never seeing each other. The music floats and bounces in the background and we attempt to follow its path, but it’s awkward territory for both of us and we know it. Others laugh with people far older than themselves and give us both the chills. Pictures are being taken around us. The flashing shaking our eyes but never shutting them. Shutting them would make us loose sight of one another. We’re near each other but not close. Slow dances pass us from one sympathetic friend to another, but never do we float to each other. The hour gets higher while our energy levels get lower. When broken down to simple sentence fragments the night has been like any other. We knew the other was there but we never talked or saw each other. The last song drifts into the air with a final dawdling beat. Those who had forgotten their dates politely find them for the final meeting and those who never left their date’s sides dread the last note of this song. Seeing as we are from neither of these parties we are left alone and secluded in a crowded room glancing around. You walk over while I want to run over. You put your arm out and smile that juvenile grin and simply say hi and I know what you mean. We dance together for the last song, taking in each others presence. At least a foot is between us, the equivalent of all the added space of the many around us, yet I have never felt so near to you before. The song ends much like my dreams often do- we’re closer than ever yet we’ve already left each others arms.

 

Krug Dream 14 – Saying Hello with Dagger Smiles

                Her mother pulled up late. But not too late, for no one else had arrived yet either. Except for him. Ream. Ream, old Ream. Playboy, player, and other adjectives that involved the word play, as in a person whom possessed so many facades Gunisess should be contacting them shortly with a new record title, was on cue and on time. What a non-consistent, consistent character he was, or is. She had a sweatshirt on with a hat over her bundled hair. Her mother had questioned her the whole ride over about her incognito behavior and wondered if her daughter may have gone to the tanning bed a wee bit too much, but Ashlyn simply said nothing. And grinned. Here it was August 20. The day after her father’s forty-first and the day before school started. No irony in the date, just her life. Ream was to meet Krug-girl, Kiwi, Lauren, and Lynch for lunch. Ashlyn knew Lynch was no where to be found and had no intention of returning. As Ashlyn stepped or playfully popped out of the car, her mother handed her the usual twenty dollars that wouldn’t be used and asked about a finishing time that Ashlyn didn’t know. So maybe some things never changed. She still had her hat on, her colossal cover up sweatshirt, her Ralph sunglasses, and pursed clasped lip grin when her mother drove off and when she felt his eyes on her. She knew what he saw. In his invisible impractical sunglasses he saw Lynch from waste up. Waste down he saw two golden beings that once passed as Lynch’s thunder thighs, but now served as Ashlyn’s main attraction while wearing a jean skirt. Ignoring his gaze, Ashlyn decided it was high time to let her trapped rapunzel hair down and take that godforsaken lynch-like sweatshirt off. Of course it had nothing to do with the fact that her mother was no longer there and Ream stood silently behind the glass country club door a few yards away. Of course not. The lynch-like sweatshirt came off and the hair was set free. In front of the Signal Mountain Country Club stood a 5’6” girl with long flaxen hair, with un-matching golden skin that was blemish free from head to toe. The way she held herself in her simple rolled athletic shorts and white ninety-nine cent wife-beater, would have made viewers believe she was modeling the freshest from Milan. She gracefully turned around to see the newly approaching Ream beaming with a look that he had never imagined he would be giving Lynch-Craft and smiling while he greeted her, “Lynchie! How was the summer!?”

                “My name’s Ashlyn and it was the best yet.” She replied back with a grin of perfectly white and straight daggers.

 

Krug Dream-15 Sitting in Judgement

this time you gotta take it easy, your throwing too many emotions at me. Any fool can see you’re falling…”

                “So, you look different.”

                Ashlyn played up her stereotyped attitude and conjured a look of confusion and staired blankly at her three supposed female friends and asked, as if on cue, “What? How? Well the tan is a fake bake.”

                “You look different. Besides the whole ‘no-more-braces’ that we all sort of expected, you just look different. Ream’s been checking you out all afternoon.”     

                The questioner Krug-girl gazed at Ashlyn with a look of utter amazement. Amazement at what, Ashlyn simply couldn’t quite put her finger on. Maybe it was the fact that Ashlyn had no zits. Maybe it was at the fact that the braces had actually come off. Maybe it was the fact that Ashlyn was no longer the fat ass they had all said goodbye to last June first, but Ashlyn did have her own hopes as to what the amazement might be at. Ashlyn, in her over-confident bitchy mind, told herself that it was amazement at the fact that Ashlyn was the one that had changed the most and was going to be the one everybody talked about when they started school back. The ultimate chief justice, Lauren, glazed at her with a green eyed hatred stair. Hatred for the fact that Ashlyn had become another one of her friends that was prettier than her and mostly because Harper had been checking her out more than he did Kiwi all those months ago. And then there was Kiwi. Kiwi gave away no emotions in her gaze, and Ashlyn enjoyed this challenge the most. At one point Ashlyn feared this gaze and turned into a blubbering pathological liar under it, but not today. Today, Ashlyn returned this gaze with an equally indecipherable look that guarded her true soulful being and devilistic ways. Ashlyn knew that Kiwi disapproved because every fiber of her short little busty being was telling her to approve.

                “No he isn’t. And I don’t look any different.”

 

Krug Dream-16 Pre-Baylor Breakfast

“you wanna play? So let’s runaway and we won’t be back until New Year’s day.”

                “No one’s home?”

                “Mom left to bring Ervin to school and then she works out until like noon and Dad left way before the newspaper was even dropped off. Want any breakfast?”

                “Already ate.”

                “Okay. Well I was just gonna eat then we could leave or whatever.”

Ashlyn flipped her salt-less frying egg for one last time and turned the boiling water off. The egg went onto a paper plate and the boiling water went into an over-used chipped mug with a cappuccino mix awaiting at the bottom. She sat down at the side part of the table that he already occupied the head of. Her mother’s seat. The seat that her father had hand-crafted all those years ago. She slowly cut away at her egg with her dull fork, all of a sudden self conscious about eating in front off him, because surely he had been briefed by the school gossipers that had so kindly informed everyone else that she had a severe eating disorder and ought to be watched on a minutely basis, especially during lunch period. She gave up on eating because it would not only ruin her skinny feeling that she had gained after her mile that morning, but because the situation in front of her was simply too awkward to try and scoot away with eating. She opted to gulf down her steaming cappuccino and suffer the consequences of a burnt tongue for the next three days. He fumbled with his keys as his forearms rested on her table top. They both looked up at each other with a look that could have only been politely interrupted with a question asked on one of theirs behalves.

                “You like driving to school?”

                “Yeah. Get to go late. Don’t have to listen to Ervin. Or Mom. Or Ervin and Mom’s music. And I get to go late,” she grinningly answered.

                “I hear you.”

                “You sure you don’t want anything to eat or drink?”

                “No I’m fine, but is that all you are going to eat?”

                With that question, the mood changed. They were surely not going to find that rare immeasurable  comfort they only found in each other during their atypical times of honesty. Not after that. Not today.

                “Yeah. I think we should get going. I probably should go to extra help for math, and I want a good parking spot.”

                “Yeah.”

                She poured her still searing drink into a portable cup and dumped what should have been her breakfast into the trash while he stood uncomfortably at the door. The door leading to the hallway which led to the garage door, where they would finally be able to escape this unbearable awkward tension by getting into their separate cars. She flung her backpack over her shoulder and looked up at his face, not eyes, as if to tell him to start for that relief hallway, then door. He took the hint and dropped his shoulders in a sigh as he silently said goodbye to the house. They walked out the garage door and out of the garage to their two parked cars in a complete robotic noiseless fashion. After tossing his jacket that all of a sudden felt smothering onto the commuter’s seat and closing the passenger door, he walked back to the driver’s side of his car that paralleled to her passenger side, where she mimicked his earlier moves with her jacket and backpack. As she turned around, she saw him facing her in an almost surrendering stance. He took the three shorts steps that were between them and was face to face with a girl that had no idea what he was doing or going to do. Neither did he, until he felt himself leaning down to place a gentle kiss onto her cheek. His out of character gesture was finished with a softly expressed “drive safe” and the closing of his car door as he started his engine to depart. She got into the driver’s seat out of habit and not intention, because her brain had completely shut down minutes ago. She pulled out of her driveway a few seconds after he had done just that. Maybe breakfast with Him wasn’t such a bad idea after all.

today was different than yesterday and tomorrow will not be the same as today